What IMF and ECB Talk About In Private
IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn (left) talks to ECB President Jean-Claude Trichet during a euro zone finance ministers meeting in Brussels December 6, 2010.
IMF Khan: Its OK, them throwing stuff at you does not mean they don't like you.
ECB Trichet: I hate my job, I should have just retired and watch football, I don't need this crap. You told me this was a cushy job dude,... I hate you too.
IMF Khan: Look at it this way, don't you feel good to have people begging you to do stuff, pleading you to give them money ... at our age, its good to be needed.
ECB Trichet: Yeah, I guess so ... but there is so much work, one country after another... Greece was OK, cause nobody really cared about Greece, and I probably get to buy a holiday home at Mykanos much cheaper next year too ... but the Irish whinge and whinge .. I told them that their banks need their bondholders to agree to haircuts... and guess what, the French and Germans started shouting into my ears that if we do that, they would not approve any bailouts for Irish banks.
IMF Khan: You should know better, German and French banks hold a lot of bonds in Irish banks (and other smaller country European banks as well)... if you want them to have a haircut, that would wipe out their equity in those banks, of course they would not agree to that kind of bailout.
ECB Trichet: You can say that again ... that means the ECB will have to bailout any EU country now that needs money or else we would be deemed as unfair and biased.
IMF Khan: Shit man, that means you guys will have to be printing a whole load of money now and in the future ... I better sell off my properties in Basel and Zurich quick, and that South of France holiday home. The Euro is going to tank. You know Ireland and Greece are just small potatoes, the ECB is going to be in deep shit when Spain gives you a call!!!
ECB Trichet: I know, I know, and in my position I cannot short the Euro futures. Can you get me a chairmanship position in IMF Asia when I resign, and make sure that I get paid in renminbi... pleaaseee...
IMF Khan: I will see what I can do .... btw, why are we holding up the cupboard?
ECB Trichet: Its our ECB's gold vault, we need to make sure its tight and secure as we have very little gold left inside!!! .... Oh btw, did you manage to get me the Tongkat Ali I asked for?