Friday, June 06, 2008

Ways To Counter Higher Petrol Prices

In The Star page 12 today, there is a section on Ways You Can Save Petrol, don't you just love these cheat sheets... and we were living like idiots wasting our resources for so long. Anyway, the brilliant suggestions:

1) Drive smoothly (like we can on the roads with many potholes, sometimes huge stone boulders are erected for no reason you know... I have always advocated that 4WD is the way to go for Malaysian drivers, cause its a bloody jungle out there with the irregular humps, unrepaired holes and deeply indented manholes)

2) Use Higher Gear (cbmf, try and use third or fourth gear when going to work in the morning and returning home ... we all should be so lucky to be driving in third gear all the way to work or from home ... those driving manual cars will tell you, their left legs are enormously muscular because of driving to and from work... cb first and second gears only all the way from Subang to city, or pick any suburb actually)

3) Tune and Service Your Car (that's right, besides the normal tune up and servicing, tune some more, extra RM200... cb isn't that spending more already???)

4) Keep Your Tyres At The Right Pressure (hmmm thanks, I never keep tyres at the right pressure when petrol was RM1.60/liter, I go 250 on front left, 280 on front right, and just 200 at the back... just for the heck of it, petrol cheap mah... so play around with tyre pressure la)

5) Avoid Carrying Excess Weight ( sorry, girls, I can no longer date any woman weighing above 100kg ... before I might consider, but now, no way jose!!!)

6) Keep The Windows Closed (like we got a choice, anyone bother to breathe in the smog and fumes while driving in our beautiful country?)

7) Take The Roof Rack Off (might as well, since we cannot afford the mountain biking or canoeing now... actually why do we need the roof rack anyway, its always 99% unutilised)

8) Use The Correct Oil (this is so lame, I am not even going to bother to make fun of it)

9) Cruise Control (is that asking for Tom Cruise's advice while driving?)

10) Avoid Excess Idling (so would we, so would we ... turn off engine while idling ok, but has anyone consider the fucking weather while we are idling, not that we don't want to save on petrol, but we need the aircon so that we don't "soil ourselves" or "sweat uncontrollably"... cbmf the dry cleaning bills would be a few x more expensive than our cost savings)

My own useful advice on how to face up to the higher petrol prices:

a) Sell your pets, cannot afford to keep them anymore.

b) Ask your parents to cash in their life insurance or annuities ... errr...

c) Every time a beggar asks for money, go on a 20 minute explanation why higher petrol prices caused you to have to cut back on empathy/sympathy/charity with financial consequences.

d) Find out and compare other liquids that cost more than petrol... did you know Coke per liter is more expensive than oil per liter... or tomato juice... or even branded mineral water ... every time you do that you'd find you can easily cut back on these more "expensive items" ... now don't you feel better already?

e) To channel your frustration and anger positively, have more angry sex with your partner. Everybody wins.

f) For guys, stop visiting brothels, call up your old girlfriends to see if you can get lucky, never know?!!

g) Drain your fengshui fountain of water and replace it with petrol, surely petrol more "lucrative, symbolic" and "valuable" than water, right?

h) Beat up your kids more often than usual as a stress release mechanism, sorry kids! But something's gotta give.

Have a nice weekend!!!

p/s photos: Marsha Milan Londoh & Nasha Aziz


BBC said...

That's damn crazy funny ways.Let's start a war on petrol hike ONLINE!Don't take your anger to the street.Do it ONLINE.Post comments in Malaysiafinance.blogspot like what I 'm doing now

Create banners,create posts,create forum,spam mails and more.

You might spend most of your time at home during weekend.Why not utilize your time in a healthy way?

Jason said...

I have no objection of petrol hike but where is the money that subsidies petrol spent to?Why the public transport in KL is so terrible? Why LRT station except KLCC is so few people? Did the people who plan the public transport route really use it or try the system before?

I am really sad with Kl compare with Singapore, even shanghai MRT system is far more better than KL. I would rather to have the pink Mini Bus back than the Rapid Turtle KL

TsuChong said...

Hahahhahaa holy crap this is real funny. Great post!!

pharmalogik said...

hahaha....good one..

Tony said...

Great device to save fuel:
This device consist of a suction cup attached to a tow rope and fired with a compressed air gun. Install device to front of car. Drive car normally, look out for bus or lorry going in your general direction. shoot device to back of bus or lorry. Now switch off your engine and get a free tow. When towing vehicle not going in right direction, release cup, reel in and look for next vivtim.
Guaranteed to give 300 miles to the gallon!

Andrew Chua said...

At the rate petrol prices are rising, very soon the cost of driving to the brothel will be more than the amount spent at the establishment... So, Yes, brothel-going-guys definitely should consider getting a new hobby...

Cassey said...

heh... great comments!!
anyway, seriously, public transport like lrt/bus in KL is really disappointing, besides even i opt to walk also find it a very bad experience coz always got some1 put there vehicle on the walkway or some motorbike wizz pass... *sigh*

Malaysia Boleh! (ya la tu, boleh for anything worst)

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