Carlos Tevez walks into a night club in Johannesburg after his team's victory over Mexico and sees a stunning leggy blonde beauty on the dance floor. He approaches her and says, "Get your coat, you are coming back to my hotel with me tonight."
She looks at him and replies, "Goodness, You're a little forward!"
Capello phones Gus Hiddink to find out how to improve his training methods.
"Dustbins" says Gus, "Position dustbins around the training pitch and get your players to pass the ball between them, dribble round them, chip the ball over them, it'll improve all round ball control".
The next day Gus' phone rings, it's the England manager, "Hi, The dustbin's are winning 4-1. What do I do now?"
Messi, Kaka and the pope are at a lake to find out who can walk on water. Messi runs on the water across the lake to the other side and runs right back. Then Kaka's turn, he did the same thing. Now the pope, he gets two steps into the water and falls.
Kaka looks at Messi and say's, "That's harsh, didn't you tell him about the stepping stones" and Messi replys, "What stepping stones?"
Best player in USA team, England's goalie.
Football is not the biggest game in the world, it is second after Farmville.
Somehow, I think my original ones are better ... lol ; )
I have made fun of the vuvuzelas and England team, Samson and Torres, and the Cristiano Ronaldo ball. While watching the Holland vs Slovakia match, I thought of giving the teams some better branding. They should latch onto the advertisers for naming rights:
ITALY should be called "The Toyota Team" - as the entire team should be recalled
FRANCE should be called "The BP Team" - as they just stand around and watch as their problems get worse
ENGLAND should be called "The Penicillin Team" - cause when you need to use them or need to rely on them, that means you are already in a lot of trouble