A Jolly (Adult) Christ-mass To All

WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN

1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.
9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman

• 10. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
• 09. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.
• 08. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
• 07. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
• 06. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
• 05. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
• 04. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
• 03. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
• 02. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
• 01. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

SANTA'S PICK UP LINES

• I know when you`ve been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister!
• Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
• Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
• I know when you`ve been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister!
• Some of my best toys run on batteries...
• I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
• Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list!
• Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
• That's not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I'm just glad to see you!

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA -
Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY -
We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA -
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC -
Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA -
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA -
Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER -
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

DEPRESSION -
Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER-
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell... (YOU GET THE IDEA) OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY-
The Twelve Days of Christmas
(don't make me repeat that again)

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY -
Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE -
Silent Night