Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Only In Singapore
A True Or False Quiz, Can You Get All Correct?

1) Large sized woks will no longer be sold in Singapore. The size and shape apparently made it easy to convert them to satellite dishes. This may actually imply that the wok must have been invented more than just for cooking purposes. Maybe 500 years ago, the Chinese were already communicating with alien forefathers while making their tummies warm. As usual, the Prime Minister's office decreed that smart and savvy Singaporeans must be protected from undesirable foreign broadcasters. I guess, soon, you cannot place a large order of Sing Chow Chowmein, cause the chef would have cook the bloody thing twice on his smallish wok!!

2) In order to maintain their record of cases won, the Lees have now decided to sue the orangutan from Singapore Zoo. After barring certain foreign publications earlier in the week (the government imposed a rule requiring all foreign publications to place a bond and appoint a local rep, so that they can be sued should the need arises), the orangutan has been served for being anti-government. The O.U. was found to be not wearing white shirt and white pants during National Day celebrations. The O.U. will probably be found guilty by the High Court and have its passport seized, failure to produce a passport will result in additional rule breaches (overstaying without a permit, plus entertaining or in employment without a proper permit, plus not filing appropriate returns). Probably the O.U. will be pursued till it becomes a bankrupt, and subsequently will be barred from running for political office.

3) Sir Elton John and his life partner were detained when arriving into Changi airport last week. They were strip-searched an questioned. Apparently, outwardly professing to have had gay sex is a crime and hence constitute a bad influence in Singapore. Elton John had planned to attend a charity event in Singapore and together with his partner, were detained under Sections 377 and 377a of the penal code.

4) Minister of Health will push through to the Parliament to legalise oral sex, which is archaically still illegal in Singapore. At the same time, the Minister will petition to make penile-anal sex prohibitive for Singaporeans - offenders will have to wear pink coloured jump suits and do community service for 50 hours such as cleaning the display windows of DKNY, Dolce & Gabanna, etc.. Anyway, back to the oral sex thing, the push to legalise was prompted from research indicating oral sex could prevent the spread of HIV as it is deemed to be safer than penile-vaginal sex.

5) NEWater, the name given for reclaimed wastewater in Singapore, is wastewater that has been treated by a dual-membrane osmotic technique. This produces drinkable water. A premium line of NEWater is in the offing, to be priced at 7x the price for normal NEWater. The premium line will be wastewater from politicians from PAP, only Deputy Ministers and Full Ministers "samples" will be collected for processing. The premium line will be called: NEWater - Cabinet Sauvignon 2006.

6) A Singaporean contractor who was surveying the site for the first integrated resort project at Marina Bay, exclaimed that the government will have to import a lot of sand from Malaysia for the project. Following much hoo-hah, the contractor was appeased when explained that the Las Vegas Sands Casino will not be built using primarily sand only.

p/s the mostly TRUE stories were numbers: 1, 4 and 6 .... sigh...

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