Friday, December 11, 2009

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Swedish Meatball

I was in New York when the Tiger story broke, at first most people thought that it was a genuine accident and the media was making too much fuss over it. It was unbelievable how many channels were covering the news ~ hypothesis ~ pure gossip ~ speculation ~ridiculous claims ... and what was stunning was all of that generally turned out to be very close to the truth. OMG, even WSJ has it as a front page story.

Tiger Woods is a phenom as a golfer. It seems no one can touch him. When I was playing poker in Sydney Star City, we all got to talking about Tiger Woods making an appearance in Melbourne for a big golf competition. Funnily two of them paid A$650 for a 4 day package to go to the course, mainly to see Tiger play... and one of them was the croupier! The prize money for the winner of that tournament was around A$1m I think ... Tiger was reportedly paid A$3m as an appearance fee. Many may choke with that kind of fee just for appearing, but organisers do make that sum back easily with the added crowd wanting to see him play, the additional media coverage and enthusiasm from sponsors and advertisers.

Most people respect Tiger as easily the best golfer ... ever. Try as you may the trash media has never found much dirt in his personal life. Many thought he just played golf, went home, hit balls as practice for another few hours, go to the gym, does not drink ... where does he get the time to do any philandering? Well, I guess when you really want to, you find the time.

Tiger's will to win may be attributable to a high level of testosterone, somebody should check his level, probably higher than normal. But higher testosterone = higher libido and sex drive = recipe for shenanigans.

As in any newsworthy event that captures the imagination, lewd, silly, disrespectful jokes would spring up like daisies on a pile of manure. Enjoy .... (btw, Tiger, you are still OK in my books ... you at least showed me you are just a guy, fallible and human after all ... after all you didn't fucked with me, go and manage your private affairs and learn to be better and more responsible, cheers.. kop khun kaap). Btw, the wife's name is Elin.

  • The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I can't remember," Elin said, "just put me down for a 5."
  • PING has a new set of irons called Elins. They're clubs you can beat Tiger with.
  • What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian. (Of course, Elin is actually Swedish. But poetic license is allowed in jokes.)

There are jokes about the affair rumors:

  • Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?
  • Tiger's other women aren't misstresses. They're provisionals.
  • Did you hear Nike's new motto? Just do me.

And jokes about Tiger's car crash started surfacing within minutes of the initial reports of the accident, including these:

  • Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
  • What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.
  • Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
  • Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

  • Stephen Colbert: "Tiger always gives 110 percent. That is why he gave 100 percent to his wife and still had 10 percent left over for his alleged mistress."
  • Conan O'Brien: "One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express."
How do you tell Tiger Woods ball's from the other golfer's ... HIS HAS TEETH MARKS ON THEM,,,,,,,

What is the difference between tiger woods and santa? Answer: Santa only has three Ho's!

Tiger Woods was leaving the house, his wife asked him where are you going,,, He said,,,,, I wont be long honey,,,, I'm only going to do 3 holes today,,,,,

Once you have white, you never go black.


solomon said...

Tiger might not able to hit golf balls for some times. I think he has the balls to admit his infidelity. Morally, he should not be pardoned but for the sake of his children (not his life) I think he is doing the right thing.

Kingsmen said...

obviously this picture is doctored....perhaps which explains most of your other articles...