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Deciphering Business Talkingcockology

I read an article from The Edge which piqued my interest in how our minds are numbed by the business talkincockology. This is all in jest but it would help if we all are a bit more blunt and straight forward with our views. My comments in blue.

SINGAPORE (March 30): Sembcorp Industries plans to manage costs tightly and optimise operations and resources while maintaining flexibility through prudent financial management, says CEO Tang Kin Fei in the company’s annual report for 2015. 

("manage costs tightly and optimise operations" - both notions were non existent before ??... yea, we used to spend flagrantly and never bothered to switch off the lights or aircon ... " 

This one gets me all riled up, "optimise operations and resources" ... THIS WAS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE HIRED FOR in the first place!!!, why tell us now??? Its like a choir boy from a Catholic church saying "I am supposed to be good, God is love". Fuck me silly.

"maintaining flexibility through prudent financial management" - to all fresh grads, when you can say something by coating the bad news in flowery extended words, you are on your way to be CEO - basically maintaining flexibility, what kind of flexibility, .. its sacking of staff of course... we are flexible to reduce staff, thats what you are really saying.)

Tang says the marine, energy and water engineering group must overcome the near-term challenges of the global down- turn in the oil and gas sector and a competitive power market in Singapore. “Our strategy is sound and as a group, we are in this for the long haul,” says Tang.

(err ... which listed company IS NOT IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL??? "Strategy sound"... if it was, you would have anticipated or prepared for the huge correction in oil prices and downturn in global shipping business better. I am still waiting for someone to be honest and say that the oil price correction was much more severe than anyone can prepare for, at least then I know we are dealing with brutal honesty top-down.)

Sembcorp’s marine unit has been hurt by the sharp fall in oil prices. Sembcorp Marine, one of the world’s biggest marine and offshore engineering company, reported its first ever quarterly loss last month. Geographically, Tang sees India and China utilities operations growing into major profit contributors in the future. 

 Tang says it is important to build Sembcorp’s future as a global company.
“This means taking advantage of value-enhancing, strategically attractive opportunities that may arise, and also building platforms for growth.”

(Wow! the last line takes the cake, how to say a lot of words that are basically numb-skulling and brain-freezing. Saying a lot that is obvious without saying anything. Basically its like me saying:

Lubricate your posterior's cavity as we will propel a cylindrical shaped object through the orifice = Fuck your ass.)


clk said…
If you attend a job interview and answer some of the question in this manner, will you be hired? Then who in their right mind made him CEO?

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