Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The "Kong Lui" Debate Revisited




Not much to post, thought I repost a popular one, and see the females react:

In recent years there have been a huge backlash and debate on the Internet and even mainstream media on the unacceptable attitudes of some HK girls. Girls who fit the description are called "Kong Luoi" (short for HK girls but with a derogatory sideswipe at them). Its a generalisation and not all girls will have all the attributes, but you will recognise them immediately.

"Kong Luoi" (KLs) phenomenon started as the 63.8 incident. What started as a first date went horribly wrong when the couple went into a store, and the girl bought some stuff and it came to HK$63.80. The girl expected the guy to pay but he did not, and she ended up paying HK$63.80. That was not the end of it. The girl recorded a video and uploaded it on You Tube ranting and bitching what an asshole and how cheap the guy was for not offering to pay HK$63.80. Her berating video pissed a lot of guys off and started the HK guys compiling things that they find unattractive in certain HK girls.

Some of the common traits:
1) "ying fun" - girls who think that they are doing guys a favour by allowing the guys to date them, hence the guys should appreciate the opportunity, thus do not expect them to go dutch or pay for anything during the date. "ying fun" = deserved to be treated well. Did you know that the trend is for girls to never even bringing their wallets with them when they go on dates.

2) "ying koi" - girls who think that it is good manners and politeness for the guys to foot everything on a date just because they are girls. Very close in meaning to "ying fun" but has an element of "should have" - i.e. guys should do those things without having the need to be even discussed.

3) "tiu tik" - the girls are great critics on what the guys have, what he does not have, how he carries himself, whether he is a good conversationalist, not good looking enough if they don't like anywhere close to Andy Lau, making a summation of his prospects as a future boyfriend and provider by just looking at appearance, making a minor thing into a big character flaw, etc... thus relegating all guys as also-rans.

4) "hau but thoui sum" - what she says never ties in with what she really wants. Ask her what she wants to have for dinner, she will say "Mow sor wai, see tharn le" (I don't mind, anything will do), but when you suggest Japanese, she will say too much raw stuff, you suggest Indian, she will claim its too spicy, you suggest Cantonese, she will say its too oily.. and still say "kei sart, ngor mow sor wai ke, mutt yeah thou tak" (Actually, I am quite easy, whatever is OK)... you suggests steamboat, she will say it is heaty and make her have pimples ... naturally for these kind of girls, I will tell them, "lei sick chee kei le" (Go eat yourself bitch!).

5) control - she always want to be in control of the relationship, once you move from dating to a steady relationship, one of the first question she will ask is, if you would mind to give her all your pay for her to manage the finances when they get married. I think its only ok in Korea and Japan, but to even entertain such a question to me shows a complete wanting of control and to see how "far they can manipulate the guy to her liking". "Kong Luoi" justifies that line of questioning as that would allow them to see how much the guy sees them as a partnership and how much he trusts her. In my words, Bullshit Baby!!! Its a control issue.

6) KLs have a very strong penchant for branded goods and wouldn't want to be caught dead with last year's bags or shoes. They are never slim enough, even though guys keep telling them they are skinny enough. Its not enough for the guys to say so, its their fellow girlfriends that have to say that they are skinny enough, and baby, girlfriends will never ever say their fellow girlfriends are skinny enough. You are in a dead end cycle.

7) KLs are hard to court even though they do not come with great credentials. The usual 5Cs (car, cash, career, credit card, condo) as so basic that many girls would never ever consider going out with someone without at least 3Cs.

8) Places too much importance on outward appearances. Ever wondered why there are so many slimming clinics in HK, and also skin whitening, tummy firming, breast firming, blemish reduction laser therapy, cellulite therapy, cosmetic plastic surgery to have double eyelids, botox... The girls will claim that a large part of why they are doing this is for the guys. Eeerrr, bullshit again, maybe so if the guy is very shallow, all these things to make up for outward inadequacies stem from a dire lack of self confidence and self belief, and that is one big character flaw in KLs. It has a lot to do with the culture and upbringing values instilled, either deliberately or unconsciously.

9) Expect presents and celebrations with presents on these following days: her birthday, anniversary of the mundane kind, Christmas, Valentine's Day, some even chocolates during Easter, even New Year... and

In my view, its not just in HK but in many places as well. Its an equality issue whereby many females now can earn a good living and can dictate their own lives better. Before, girls grow up to be married off and thats that. However, with the desired equality status, in relationships, many still hang onto traditional roles of males and females. But the demands on those roles are so very different now. Everyone must come into a relationship knowing full well what each other's expectations are, if not they will never be met.

In HK, there is this quite silly phrase which sums up why girls in HK are generally very spoiled ("chung whai saei"). The phrase is "low pour hai lor farn lei sack" ( the reason to have a wife is to make sure she is well taken care of and loved). There does not seem to be much wrong with that phrase except when you think about it, its a passive thing for women, and it appears to be their divine right. My quibble is if I get married, am I marrying a loving partner or a passive piece of art for me to dust and vacuum and wipe. To take care as in taking up responsibility as a man of the house, yes, that I totally agree. Hope the nuances there are cleared up.

There is a limit to what is due care and concern by the guy, and what is absolutely reprehensible behaviour. Go to HK and you will see many guys carrying ladies purses and hand bags walking with their girlfriends on dates. I am ok, in fact I think its proper to carry the purses and hand bags if they have to go to toilets or have to go and try out some clothes when out shopping. But to have the guy carrying the stuff walking all over town, is demeaning. If a guy wants to carry a handbag, he should go and buy one himself. Its not a show of how much love and concern a guy shows the girl, its for the girl to show to everyone how much control she has of him. Why not make him wear a dress as well? Thats the crux, to the KLs, its always "if you love me, you will do it" mantra, always having to prove and reprove their affections.. "if you love me, you will buy it for me"... worse "if you love me, you will buy it for me without me having to tell you"... GAWD!!!

At the end, they morph into what I like to call "high maintenance" (HM) women. HM women are not just those who require a certain monetary sum to maintain their lifestyle. To me, HM women are HM because of how their minds torture you and in turn torture themselves. I will give you a classic HM woman, the wife will ask the husband just before they go to sleep "why did you give your 2nd uncle 3 boxes of mooncakes, but you gave my brother only 2 boxes"... that my friend, is HM!!!

8 comments:

Big Bad Wolf said...
Hahaha.. I think KL is catching up with the KL phenomenon, but thank god its not that widespread, yet.

Most of the girls in town are beginning to follow the trait, and they are squeezing the guy till no water left! I guess this is the price to pay when development kicks in.
This somehow reminds me of your past article on "why dogs are better tahn women)
KoSong Cafe said...
Dali, no wonder you are still not hitched. Thai hoi tit ler!

Seriously, such girls turn me off too. Choice works both ways, not just KLs choosing what they want. We have a choice too, and that is, don't touch them with a ten-foot pole!

Many years ago, a relation related to me about how she was going through some clothes hanging from a stand. Must admit, she used to be pretty and petite but obviously rough doing so. The HK shop assistant commented sarcastically, "Yen chi er, mhou wart charn ke sau" (be careful, don't sprain your hand) Since then, my impression of HK girls are 'no go' in terms of relationships!
HappySurfer said...
*Sigh* The sad part is, the guys let the gals do that to them!! It always, always takes two to tango. Good post, though.
Kim said...
Well, the never-ending gender wars raises its ugly head again. Haha. Girls have just as much a bone to pick with the men as you do with us even if it is just focused on a portion of the demographic (Bring it ON). The occasional catty swipes at each other is fine... fun even.

If it bothers you that much about the way some girls act... just don't go in that direction. No need for spewing all that anger any reader can feel emanating from your blog post. In fact, the courting scene of today is bewildering with so many girls being focused on the short term thrills of a relationship rather than the long term goals.... although admittedly it does help.

Btw... dude.. what's with the pink background....? You just upped the notch of difficulty for reading your blog in the office.
Salvatore_Dali said...
Kim,

If it bothers me then don't go in that direction... yea so??

No need for spewing all that anger any reader can feel emanating from your blog post.

Then I might as well stop blogging... is anger a bad thing... the entire New testament was based on anger and love... its ok to be angry when people behave badly or do stupid things... ITS RIGHT THERE ON TOP OF MY BLOG...
rants and rave, illusions and collusions

I hate ppl who uses the middle ground and say take the higher road by being above from the fray, when in fact they don't have an opinion and is blase about things in life, if you are a colour, u r very grey...
G said...
And you're telling me that guys do not drool after the porcelain smooth skin, skinny, sweet (on appearance) young thing? It's a price that guys have to pay to have a candy on their arm. They know how far they can push and they push it to the max.

For some guys, well, having an arm candy is well worth the trouble !

If you're expecting it all... the looks, the caring personality, the works, well.... you must be like me... living in the dream world.
K H said...
Spot on, Dali. My friends & I had a good laugh 'cos your article said what we were thinking but just couldn't put them in words like you do.
faizsani said...
This is a mean thing to say but I think that's why in the long run one will see more and more of these KLs becoming quite unhappy much later in life. Once their saham lose value, no way anyone, and I mean anyone is gonna give any sort of attention to them. Men are men. That's why the latest model cars fetch more value and the second hand one takda value.

I say, be kind and be reasonable. Things last a lot longer that way....




17 comments:

kl said...

In stock market parlance, dating the 'kong luoi' types are equated to short term trades ; light hearted, frequent outings only to gain experience. They are not blue chips investments so do not keep for too long.

tanhc said...

Vanity & greed + improper upbringing + inappropriate peer influence have all contributed to this sad phenomenon. Accelerated by poor schooling and some irresponsible media behaviour, this disease,like a wild fire,spreads very easily and quickly. It is indeed a great pity that the moral lessons of days past have been removed from the school curriculum. The sisters (nuns) & brothers in the missionary schools have done no small service to our society in their own small ways, compared with the craps some of the schools & the media are feeding to our young nowadays. So can we not often wonder why the so-called civilisation process is moving in the opposite direction?
After all, each one of us started off with a clean slate when we began life's journey.

MK - don't know much, want to learn more said...

Bwhaahah - KL (2 post above) beat me to the punch. High Maintenance women = trades for kicks and er.. fun. Hit target or trailing stop loss, cut loose ;P

eailuan said...

I think it boils down to the “supply-demand” theory (though I’m not so savvy in finance like Dali): if some guys (not ALL, of cos!!) continue to take pride in having hot, perfect/polished-looking girlfriends (who look like mannequins) next to them, naturally there will be a continuous ‘supply’ of such girls. Reason being, both the BF and GF are happily feeding their ego at the same time, there’s a price to pay for everything, right? :) However I think we are all well aware of this type of girls can’t possibly be your wife/ soul-mate candidate, it will just be GF.

Having said that, as the Chinese saying goes, “1 type of rice, feeds hundreds types of people”, we can’t possible conclude that ALL guys like hot babes and ALL girls are so “scary”. For example I’m not a HM wmn, I don’t control my betterhalf’s financial at all, sometimes I foot the bill too (it’s a give & tk thg), I don’t own any branded stuff (errr..a dSLR, maybe) and I don’t carry any handbag when I shop (even if I do, I’ll carry mysf, agreed with yr comment “If a guy wants to carry a handbag, he should go and buy one himself”; in fact, I “suspect” these girls are just trying to send a message “see, I tamed him...he is all mine”)…

However as I said, everything comes with a price. In other words, as I DON’T place much importance on outward appearances (no thick make up, nor branded stuff), I can bet no guys will ever ENVY my better half for he has a normal-looking (not ugly anyway haha :P) partner who doesn’t 100% fit your 9 KLs criterias (except for 1, ie when I said “any food will do”, that means I don’t hv a specific food I want to eat BUT I do hv a list of options in mind which I don’t want to eat; sometimes we girls were too lazy to specify til you men suggest so we can object OR we were merely hoping that our soulmate/ you’d be able to read our mind or understand our dislikes at that point in time, hahahha).

Anyway pls don’t deny this ~ "low pour hai lor farn lei sack" (the reason to have a wife is to make sure she is well taken care of and loved). BECAUSE similarly the reason to have a husband is ALSO to make sure he is well taken care of and loved!!! Then only everything beautiful can last… ;) All the best in your soulmate/ true love search, Dali!

Note: I think those sexy pic doesn’t fit your image as an intelligent analyst on Msia Finance. Maybe u can consider grouping all pretty, hot babes pic together so we readers don’t got a shock as we scroll down? Err, I know these mean A LOT to some people, hence I can’t possibly expect you to remove them, haha…

eailuan said...

I think it boils down to the “supply-demand” theory (though I’m not so savvy in finance like Dali): if some guys (not ALL, of cos!!) continue to take pride in having hot, perfect/polished-looking girlfriends (who look like mannequins) next to them, naturally there will be a continuous ‘supply’ of such girls. Reason being, both the BF and GF are happily feeding their ego at the same time, there’s a price to pay for everything, right? :) However I think we are all well aware of this type of girls can’t possibly be your wife/ soul-mate candidate, it will just be GF.

Having said that, as the Chinese saying goes, “1 type of rice, feeds hundreds types of people”, we can’t possible conclude that ALL guys like hot babes and ALL girls are so “scary”. For example I’m not a HM wmn, I don’t control my betterhalf’s financial at all, sometimes I foot the bill too (it’s a give & tk thg), I don’t own any branded stuff (errr..a dSLR, maybe) and I don’t carry any handbag when I shop (even if I do, I’ll carry mysf, agreed with yr comment “If a guy wants to carry a handbag, he should go and buy one himself”; in fact, I “suspect” these girls are just trying to send a message “see, I tamed him...he is all mine”)…

However as I said, everything comes with a price. In other words, as I DON’T place much importance on outward appearances (no thick make up, nor branded stuff), I can bet no guys will ever ENVY my better half for he has a normal-looking (not ugly anyway haha :P) partner who doesn’t 100% fit your 9 KLs criterias (except for 1, ie when I said “any food will do”, that means I don’t hv a specific food I want to eat BUT I do hv a list of options in mind which I don’t want to eat; sometimes we girls were too lazy to specify til you men suggest so we can object OR we were merely hoping that our soulmate/ you’d be able to read our mind or understand our dislikes at that point in time, hahahha).

Anyway pls don’t deny this ~ "low pour hai lor farn lei sack" (the reason to have a wife is to make sure she is well taken care of and loved). BECAUSE similarly the reason to have a husband is ALSO to make sure he is well taken care of and loved!!! Then only everything beautiful can last… ;) All the best in your soulmate/ true love search, Dali!

Note: I think those sexy pic doesn’t fit your image as an intelligent analyst on Msia Finance. Maybe u can consider grouping all pretty, hot babes pic together so we readers don’t got a shock as we scroll down? Err, I know these mean A LOT to some people, hence I can’t possibly expect you to remove them, haha…

eailuan said...

I think it boils down to the “supply-demand” theory (though I’m not so savvy in finance like Dali): if some guys (not ALL, of cos!!) continue to take pride in having hot, perfect/polished-looking girlfriends (who look like mannequins) next to them, naturally there will be a continuous ‘supply’ of such girls. Reason being, both the BF and GF are happily feeding their ego at the same time, there’s a price to pay for everything, right? :) However I think we are all well aware of this type of girls can’t possibly be your wife/ soul-mate candidate, it will just be GF.

Having said that, as the Chinese saying goes, “1 type of rice, feeds hundreds types of people”, we can’t possible conclude that ALL guys like hot babes and ALL girls are so “scary”. For example I’m not a HM wmn, I don’t control my betterhalf’s financial at all, sometimes I foot the bill too (it’s a give & tk thg), I don’t own any branded stuff (errr..a dSLR, maybe) and I don’t carry any handbag when I shop (even if I do, I’ll carry mysf, agreed with yr comment “If a guy wants to carry a handbag, he should go and buy one himself”; in fact, I “suspect” these girls are just trying to send a message “see, I tamed him...he is all mine”)…

eailuan said...

..cont...

However as I said, everything comes with a price. In other words, as I DON’T place much importance on outward appearances (no thick make up, nor branded stuff), I can bet no guys will ever ENVY my better half for he has a normal-looking (not ugly anyway haha :P) partner who doesn’t 100% fit your 9 KLs criterias (except for 1, ie when I said “any food will do”, that means I don’t hv a specific food I want to eat BUT I do hv a list of options in mind which I don’t want to eat; sometimes we girls were too lazy to specify til you men suggest so we can object OR we were merely hoping that our soulmate/ you’d be able to read our mind or understand our dislikes at that point in time, hahahha).

Anyway pls don’t deny this ~ "low pour hai lor farn lei sack" (the reason to have a wife is to make sure she is well taken care of and loved). BECAUSE similarly the reason to have a husband is ALSO to make sure he is well taken care of and loved!!! Then only everything beautiful can last… ;) All the best in your soulmate/ true love search, Dali!

Note: I think those sexy pic doesn’t fit your image as an intelligent analyst on Msia Finance. Maybe u can consider grouping all pretty, hot babes pic together so we readers don’t got a shock as we scroll down? Err, I know these mean A LOT to some people, hence I can’t possibly expect you to remove them, haha…

YeeLeng said...

Being a lady myself, I'd advice guys to stay away from HM ladies too.. it'll hurt your pocket too much to maintain them...but then again, if you're WILLING to,then by all means...

I detest the idea that to measure how much you love someone is to measure how much you're willing to spend on him/her. Then comes the debate of love and money. Love is a feeling, and money is a thing. So, if someone says, love = money, seriously,it's time move on!

bill said...

what's with the mooncake thing ???
my wife does that too !!
i'm like, does it matter how many boxes of mooncakes i give ?
hoho .. i'm screwed !

jeeralang said...

Love is not a feeling; love is a verb, love is doing, love is a decision - choosing to love even when one is angry or doesn't feel like it.

yen yin said...

Most men know who the HM girls are and if they still want to date them then they are fools and deserve being " tiok choy tau". Seriously, can you find true love with these type of girls. You will never find a bent shoot growing straight.

pacat said...

Nice post bro..very interesting.
KL girls are like sports cars ..sure high maintenance wan. Guys syok syok for a while, eventually will end up with a camry right or not? More practical!
But on a serious note, those junk cars who think they're like ferraris which gets to me. The not-so-hot ones demanding this and that. A roof over their head and 3 meals a day used to be good enough. Now!?? we hv to surf your blog everyday to get investing tips to earn more money to buy them stuff!

Jean said...

It's very true that male should just stay away from HM girls. If you're one of those guys that must have a swee swee gf then sorry you just have to bite the bullet lo since you asked for it. As for myself, not trying to brag but I'm a professional with more than 5Cs under my belt. It's quite normal that many girls will make their move on me, some even asked to be my gf on the third outing. Some you can tell very obvious that they're up for your money but some have went through HK TVB training I suppose cause they're so good in acting.

There was this girl that shown much interest in me and showing how sincere she wanted to start a steady relationship with me. But I could kinda tell that she was up to money more than anything judging at how she commented on some of the posh restaurant and luxurious goods and all. Well I could be wrong about this girl I told myself. So what I did was whenever I brought her out I took her to mamak stalls, chinese hawker stalls etc. The most posh place i brought her was probably Starbucks LOL! After a few times I did that, she started to comment "you don't look like you're the kind that will go hawker stall to eat. you're so high profile in your job, this can't be you....". So I said I love these hawker food cause good food are found here, not in big restaurants. Which in my opinion, it's very true, I didn't lie.

Well after 3 months I kept doing that she finally disappear in thin air. No news from her anymore. Last heard she was hitting up on another guy. Wish him good luck. :)

Bursawise said...

already educate my children on this since young...

fubar said...

The one where men carry their women's hand bags and basically fawning on them is spot on! One time I saw my friend carrying a paper fan and fanning his girlfriend as we walked to our cars after a game of badminton. It may sound like love but it sure look like a slave and a master to the rest of us! It's pure textbook case of being pussy whipped. Btw that girlfriend is now the wife so is it any wonder that he can no longer make it to badminton?

Amgmerce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amgmerce said...

Nothing to do with looks or how branded they are dressed. It's cantonese culture bayby. Even cantonese girls in msia behave more or less the same no matter how they look like.