Friday, June 13, 2014

Happy Father's Day - Let The Man Be The Man He Is

I never thought a simple posting like this could have struck so many chords. We all love our mums, and rightly mums get most of the accolade, Mother's Day is always bigger than Father's Day. This posting got xxx FB likes, I still cannot believe so many felt the same way. Its like we are so connected in what's deepest in us. I may not know all my readers personally, but I feel so humbled to know you all feel the same way. Its not easy to be a blogger, if there are 100 readers, there'd be 4 or 5 who will just hate your guts and they will post nasty comments to let you know that - even though out of the 100 70 or more may like you, but most will not bother to write and tell you nice things, thats the reality when you put yourself out there ... hence reading the comments for this posting was very shocking and restored my faith in humanity. I thought I had to say this, made me realise what I thought was something simple was probably my most important posting because so many people really cared.
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I had a good chat with a friend about dads growing old. I assume we are all filial sons and daughters. When our dads grow older and older, maybe some will have retired from their careers by now. I wonder how many of us "love our dads" in the way that allows him to continue to be the man that he is.

Dads who are now retired are dads from a different era. Most of our dads are the strong silent types, not like many of the younger dads nowadays who will try to be good friends with their kids. 

A man of the house usually takes the lead in the household. He takes care of the paycheck. He calls the shots in many areas of the household matters. When they retire, they may not have access to as much "money as before" - gee, do you ever wonder why, thats because he has brought you guys up, send you guys to further your studies, even finance your first car or even your first home, down payment for this and that. Flying you back from overseas, etc... 

Now he may be pushing 60 or 70, he may be living primarily off what you kids give him. We somehow think if we give them a few hundred or a thousand or two ringgit a month, we have done our part. Your dad is still the man he was, faults and all. He used to call the shots, ask you guys where you like to have dinner, ask you guys what you want for your birthdays.

Now, he has to take money from you guys. Funds may not be so "loose". When you guys take him out to dinner, he doesn't have the "right" to pay for you guys anymore. Heck, he may even shy away from ordering whatever he likes from the menu or dictate where he wants to have dinner. He may not even be able to just take your mum wherever they wish to go for holidays. 

In these very many small ways, he is not "allowed to be the man he used to be". We as children should empathise with that. If we can afford it, we should give him more than what he needs to survive. We should allow our father to be the father he still is. 

A person's spirit is the hardest to please and easiest to break. Love comes in many disguises. Love is not just money but our attitude as well. Reconsider how we love our dads. Mine is no longer around. If your dad still is, be thankful, and be the better son and daughter. Love your dad better.

30 comments:

kanno8 said...

hi dali,
thank you so much for your
timely reminder..god bless you..

ronnie said...

Dali. You are a good person. Live long and prosper.

solomon said...

Dali, you are right. There is a Chinese proverb for this scenario.

Situation made more difficult if you are married. At times, different position we have to take if the is dad instruction and spouse opinion which are not the same.....we cannot pleased both, then we will be the silenced dad next again....

thegreat said...

Bro well written. Something same happening to my family

thegreat said...

Well written

Investbullbear Investbullbear said...

This is a most wonderful post. Many will be moved by this.

Thanks, Dali.

David Koay said...

Thanks very much Dali for the article. This article certainly brings tears to my eyes.

PRAY,IT WORKS. joe's blog said...

I believe you miss your dad. I know he smiles on you and is grateful for this article.

ocean biru said...

I take off my hat to you. You are the man!

trusbx said...

Moved and touched,
Yeah i should, re look at things with a dif perspective

richard said...

thanks for that! i miss my Dad!
i wish i could still pick his brains for a stock pick or two, talk about politics.
or, just the two of us, escaping from the house to go peel a kilo of fresh steamed prawns at Salut, Sepanggar Bay :)

clongviews said...

Clongviews: Well said. I am in my late 60s. Hopefully as many sons and daughters and children would read this down to earth article.
Cheers

soma said...

very pertinent observation in todays materialistic era. Hope it strikes a chord in all who read your blog. Money is a tool. one has to use it well, but time spent with the people to stood by us through thick and thin, sacrificing their creature comforts so that we can have what w want, that is priceless.

pilocarpine said...

Thanks, Dali. This is the most wonderful post ever.Ever.

I'm sharing it.

bl said...

Hi Dali, well written touching articles...hope it will enlighten the youngsters to be better human being with love and compassion..apart from reading financial blog chasing money,good food,view prety lady picture,but to have time to love the parents..
Your Dad will be very very happy on you writing this article ...
TQVM

warmest regards
bl
*father of two sons

Unknown said...

My dad died young and I didn't get to see him growing old but still tears rolled down my eyes for when I read the article. Thanks Dali for your generous sharing of your inner thoughts and feelings on so many topics. Malaysia is blessed with many people like yourself who have been contributing in their own special way to make the country a better place.

Mr Bojangles said...

The young ones (wasn't that a Cliff Richard song?)should constantly be reminded that, As you are now, I once was. As I am now, you one day will be.

So sympathize with the old man if some days he just doesn't feel like being what he used to be.

Mr. Goh said...

I am going home to night
Thank you

keng said...

I was never a good son, now still.
I know a lot of theories but never apply on my own parents.
I have lost my dad for 10years,, despite my lack of care and love for him, he always thought I was a good son thanks for his magnanimity.
My mum is still going strong strong at the age of 85,again I was not a filial son, but she think I am among all her 11children , she loved me Tim most.

Tee Lin Say said...

Awww sooo touching. Fantastic piece.

alwayswin111 said...

Dali
A most beautiful Article and timely reminder to all. God bless you. Whilst our parents are with us , we should all treat them well . And do not rob them of the feeling of being useful and important.
Aging is a very long process. It will come to us soon enough.
There is no point in regretting after they have gone that we have not done enough when they were around.
Once again, Dali thanks for the writing. Everyone out there keep this article locked in your heart and PRACTICE IT when you still have the opportunity.

alvin said...

To you guys out there, if can afford please give your parents the best if they are still around.When mine around ,i cant afford to take them for holidays or even nice dinner.Now that i can, they are not around...i hate myself so much

average guy

Yanyan Nuur said...

Im touched n moved by ur article. it caused me teary eyes reading it. thank you for your timely reminder. wish you good life & good health. God bless.
Yanyan Nuur

Yanyan Nuur said...

Well said and very moving indeed. Caused me teary eyes reading it. thank you for your timely reminder.wish you good life n good health. God bless.

meteor light said...

Thank you Dali, very well written. I have always missed our hardworking dad like my brother in Canada does, always. We thank God for wondeful dad and our late mom. God bless you a good long life.

meteor light said...

Dali,
Thank you for your finest piece of writing about DAD. I miss my Dad a lot like my brother who has migrated abroad does. God bless you much joy, a good long life and many good friends. Here's to you, see 11 oh so cute puppies napping with baby on Google and Brian Cain Butterfly Waltz on YouTube. Enjoy..

ST's Blog said...

Well said, Dali, but times have changed. Earnings have lagged far behind inflation. I was born in the 50's and I graduated in 1981. When I started working, I was able to pay for my rental and meals. I was able to buy a 2nd hand car after 3 months and changed to a new car another 6 months after that. I was able to buy a house a few years later. Today's generation will have difficulties doing that. Almost without exception, all my friends and school mates did much better than their parents. I doubt that many of today's generation are able to do better than their parents unless they are earning way above average. Furthermore, my parents' generation have simple lifestyles - they are happy to have a house to live in, 3 meals a day and seeing their children and grand children every now and then. As for me, I travel overseas a few times a year, I like to play golf, have some nice meals, wines and cigars. My children would have to give me 10K to 20K a month to maintain my lifestyle. It's simply not realistic unless they are wildly successful. Therefore, I have made up my mind to be able to maintain my lifestyle until my death without relying on my children at all. I think my greatest gift to them is to give them a good education and give them the freedom to do what they like without having to support me. Of course, I would be very happy if they come and spend time with me. All these without any financial burden to them.

Then Jiunn said...

Thank you.

Kevin Wong said...

I am proud & happy to have such a good man to be my father. I hope he too, is happy & proud to have a son like me. The least my brother & i want is to fail & dishonour him & our mother. I promise to...

soma said...

that was a lovely article. We always long for things when they have slipped from our grasp. We never appreciate parents as we take them for granted. No point closing the stable doors after the horses have left whimpering in despair at he lack of filial peity.

My parents are still around and I try my best to make sure that they feel wanted and their needs and wants are taken care of. I need to set an example for my kids!