Pelham Blue's Letter To Sc (Parody)
Have to admit, this person is certainly funnier than me, so, here's the link, it is hilarious:
Dear Securities Commission of Malaysia,
I am writing to register my complaint about the conduct of some investment banks and their analysts, whose recent downgrade of my favorite stock has caused the price to drop considerably.
I am of course writing about TalkCock Industries (TCO), an investment education company that had gone through tough times but whose financials have been recovering. The stock fell to RM1 recently, after gaining 250% since January to RM1.80.
I have repeatedly told readers of my blog that TCO is worth at least RM4. How did I come up with this? Simple - my 'platinum rule' is when the company records three consecutive quarters of profit recovery. Never mind that the sector is cyclical, vulnerable to broader market factors, and that the company has yet to prove that talking cock is an inherently sustainable business model. These are not as important, OK?
My logic is very simple. TCO reported earnings per share of 12 sen in its latest quarter. Multiply by four quarters, assuming it will report at least this much EPS, and you will get annual EPS of 48 sen. From this observation, and assuming a conservative PE ratio, the stock is undoubtedly worth RM4 at least. This observation is worth the content of at least ten research reports.
My followers and blog readers evidently shared my unbridled enthusiasm. This explained the recent 250% rally - I did not tell them to buy the shares, of course! Not even once, twice, or four times.
I now find myself in the awkward situation of explaining to them why they have lost money and I sort of didn't, since I was smart enough to buy into TCO very early. This is clearly unacceptable, so I have a list of demands.
I urge the SC to reprimand the analysts whose stock analysis skills are undoubtedly subpar. Please don't give me acronyms like CFA and SWOT analysis - my platinum rule trumps them all. I am of course very happy when the research reports support my stock position. When they reverse course, not so much.
One of the analysts had the nerve to downgrade his target price for TCO, saying that 'the last quarterly performance is unlikely to be repeated'. Another analyst - presumably very young and has no clue about trading shares - dared to say in his report that 'investors would be wise to take some profits'. What is going on here!
This stock price movement after the UNREASONABLE downgrades are a TRAVESTY.
These downgrades, and the concerted efforts by certain parties, have caused me considerable grief as I have lost vast sums of money. I am at a struggle to explain why; I have always used my margin account and utilised the leverage responsibly.
I challenge these investment banks to prove that they do not hold any TCO shares. Additionally, they each have to write a written confession that there is no conspiracy to destroy Malaysia's fledgling talking cock industry.
After that, I urge them to reimburse me for the sums I have lost due to these unforeseen downgrades. My followers are unhappy that my target price are nowhere near being met. I expected better out of them as there were no complaints when TCO did nothing but go up, every day.
Investment banks' research reports are such dangerous things. Analysts can be so irresponsible sometimes. To these people, I am willing to forgive them for their lack of experience and market nuance. I am also willing to help them make better investment decisions and analysis, simply by following what I say and write about.
A properly well-informed analyst would easily share my views; TCO is worth at least RM4 and not one sen less. With an expected GDP growth of 4.9% this year, and higher subscription rates for classes where investment gurus do nothing but talk cock, I am certain the business will pick up.
The SC has a responsibility to protect shareholders' interests. Especially when I tell people to buy and now they're angry at me for being stuck at high prices.
These people will hold everybody accountable when they lose money trading shares : the SC, TCO's management, Tun Mahathir, Najib, and even myself. I am not saying I am the same but somebody, anybody has to be held responsible when I lose money. Enough is enough.
**this post is purely a work of fiction.